


the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you

by treblemakerz



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, i used too many metaphors in this, some angst and also some fluff, taylor swift wrote this song about rejanis, you cannot change my mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25518523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treblemakerz/pseuds/treblemakerz
Summary: if i just showed up at your party, would you have me? would you want me?or,regina shows up at janis's party to talk.
Relationships: Regina George/Janis Sarkisian
Comments: 12
Kudos: 81





	the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you

**Author's Note:**

> it seems i am only capable of writing angsty canonverse rejanis with hesitantly vulnerable regina and i'm just gonna roll with it
> 
> to all my fellow folklore stans, enjoy

When Janis agreed to host the spring fling afterparty, being the only one whose parents were out of town, it’s safe to say she had no idea what she was getting into. She watches as Shane Oman tosses her mom’s flower pot across the room to Jason Weems, and it seems to shatter in slow motion against the wall when Jason misses it. Janis groans. Do they do this at every party?

She wanders over to the kitchen and observes as Damian tries to teach Cady how to make some mixed drink that probably tastes just about as toxic as it looks. Gretchen and Karen are also watching, the former trying to stifle her giggles at Cady’s confusion, and the latter looking on with genuine fascination. They’re holding hands and Janis makes a mental note to dig into that later.

There’s no Regina, though, and her absence is both felt by all and noticed by none. It’s been some time since North Shore had a party without its resident queen bee floating through the crowd. A change, to be sure, but most of the students are too drunk on the events of the night to give it a second thought. To Janis, the past several hours still feel more hazy than anything. For a year of conflict and revenge plots and being hit by buses to end with a quick apologetic speech and a dance feels surreal and incomplete; like there was still so much left unresolved. Everyone else seems content to call a truce and let Cady take the brunt of the drama on her back, but she had never been one of the main players in the beginning. Maybe that’s why Janis doesn’t quite feel satisfied. Her mind lingers on Gretchen and Karen in the kitchen, and she wonders where Regina ended up while everyone else was here.

A crash sounds from the living room, and Janis rounds the corner to see a very drunk Sonja Acquino attempting to lead a group of girls in some sort of interpretive dance. She seems to have fallen over but still manages to make eye contact with Janis from the ground.

“HEY, SARKISIAN!” she yells, “Come learn my dance! I made it up! I made this up!”

Sonja dissolves into a fit of laughter. Janis just rolls her eyes in annoyance and steps over the short girl, heading towards the stairs. She’s starting to get a headache and figures a break upstairs wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

As if on cue, the doorbell rings just as she reaches the landing. A pit forms in Janis’s stomach. There’s only one person not at this party and she isn’t so sure she’s ready to see her yet.

She’s still frozen, one foot lifted to the first step, when the bell rings again. A moment of hesitation, one turn, and five paces is all it takes before she opens the door and comes face-to-face with Regina George.

Janis isn’t sure what to do at first. Regina is standing there with her hand raised to ring a third time, also seemingly at a loss for words. She must have gone home to change before coming here, as she’s no longer wearing her feathered spring fling dress but instead dark jeans and an old white cardigan, her hair in loose waves.

Eventually one of them finds their voice.

“Hey…can I talk to you?” Regina musters.

There’s silence. Janis wants to respond, but it’s as if her vocal chords are being strangled. The tension between them is electric in the same way it always has been...for one reason or another. She notices Regina peering past her into the house, watching as Karen stumbles over a discarded beer bottle and Gretchen catches her.

“Actually, this was stupid. Obviously you’re preoccupied. You can just tell me to go fuck myself and I’d get it.”

Regina turns to go, but feels a hand on her arm.

“I’m not letting you leave without giving me answers this time,” Janis says, the frustration seeping from her tone. “Come on.”

Dragging Regina into the house, she figures the best place for them to talk would be her room. But before they can make it to the staircase, Janis sees Shane heading the same way with a rather clingy girl she doesn’t recognize. Great. Upstairs is out.

The only other place she can think to take Regina where it’s quiet is her mom’s garden around back. She slides her hand down Regina’s arm and into her palm, ignoring the unexpected butterflies in her stomach and the shock on Regina’s blushing face, and pulls her through the house to the back door. Only a few people stop to stare.

Mrs. Sarkisian’s garden is her pride and joy. After her divorce, she threw herself into turning the backyard from a drab patch of grass into a colorful sanctuary. Geraniums, daylilies, and the first roses of the season surround the two girls as they take a seat in the grass and let the discomfort eat at them.

Janis clears her throat. “So, what exactly do you want, Regina?”

The blonde’s name feels odd on her lips. It’s the first time in a long time she hasn’t said it with malice. Just exhaustion.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. For everything.”

It would be a lie for Janis to say she was surprised. The days since Regina was hit by the bus seemed to jolt everyone out of the regular consumption with teenage rivalries. All of them were mortal; real human people. They all had so many more important things to waste their ticking time on. Of course, things went back to some form of normalcy after about a week, this is high school after all, but the feeling lingered in the back of everyone’s mind. An apology from Regina seemed inevitable considering this new environment...Janis just hadn’t expected it so soon. She keeps her eyes trained on the ground. Making sense of the feelings swirling around her head feels like an impossible task, so she just spits out the first thing she can think to say.

“You know you got the pleasure of telling me I was a lesbian before I even really knew it myself, right?”

Regina doesn’t seem to have a response for that, so Janis continues.

“It was really hard, barely even knowing what a lesbian was, feeling like it was some dirty, awful thing because of the way you threw it at me. I spent so long trying to prove to everyone that I wasn’t this…this weirdo, this monster. And then I got the pleasure of realizing that it was true,” Janis says quietly.

“Janis…”

“I think it would have been easier if I hadn’t figured it out because I had a crush on you. That kind of sucked extra, you know? Losing my best friend and knowing the reason I lost her was because I loved her too much. And everyone fucking hated me for it.”

There’s a sniffle from next to her, and Janis doesn’t need to look up to know Regina has tears in her eyes. She’s torn; a part of her feels vindicated at finally letting Regina know how her insides have been torn apart. A smaller, softer part of her heart, one that had taken root and been slowly growing since the bus, cringes at making her cry.

“I’m sorry,” Regina repeats. “I didn’t know…I didn’t think it would hurt you that badly."

“You mean you weren't aware that it made me so upset to even look at you and I had to switch my homeroom freshman year when I saw we were in the same one?”

It's said so matter-of-factly that even Janis is surprised by the lack of emotion in her own tone. Truly, she doesn't want to hurt Regina anymore. But she wants her to have the perspective. If she's going to really apologize and mean it, she needs to know how far-reaching the pain was.

Regina winces. "I didn't want to assume that was because of me."

"It was."

"I thought it was a stupid joke that would be over in a few days. I had no idea it would take off the way it did…and even after, I didn’t stop it. I convinced myself that it wasn’t my fault. That somehow it was Karen’s for believing it, or Gretchen’s for spreading it. And when I did finally admit to myself that it was all my fault, I brushed it off as just another rumor I started about the morons at our school.”

"These all just sound like excuses, Regina," Janis sighs, rubbing her temples.

“I don’t mean it that way, I just—“

Before Regina can finish her sentence, Jason stumbles over and words start slurring out.

“Janis, about the vase, I’m so sorry, we were just fucking around—“

“Don’t you have somewhere more important to be, Corn Teeth?” Regina growls, shooting him a glare so dark that he immediately shuts up and scampers away. Janis can’t help but snort. She has a hunch that the bite of the old Regina George will never fully die. Truthfully, she doesn’t mind all that much.

Regina coughs. “Anyway, I don’t mean to excuse it,” she starts, “I know it's inexcusable. I just didn’t let myself get it until recently that of all the bad things I’ve done, the worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you. But I know that now.”

Their eyes meet for a moment, and Janis sees a flicker of apprehension in Regina’s. She thinks it’s because in all the time she’s known her, Regina George has never really admitted to her own wrongs. It’s a hard habit to break. But she also sees sincerity, and finds herself a bit taken aback by the girl’s words.

All she can do is nod. “I appreciate that. But the part that still bugs me is that I never understood why. Why did you do it in the first place? Was it just fun for you?”

An intake of breath, and then: “I was scared.”

That stumps Janis. The Regina she knew, the one she had helped build forts and play pirates with on the weekends, the one who strutted down the halls of North Shore as if she was parting the Red Sea, wasn’t scared of anything. She didn’t know a lot when she was younger, but she knew that. What exactly could scare her into hurting someone she loved?

“Scared of what?”

“It’s not important now. Either way, it wasn’t a good reason for hurting you.”

Regina looks down, and Janis studies her. And without it being said, she runs smack into the brick wall that has always been right there. Of course Regina had been scared. Regina had been scared of the same thing that she was.

The realization makes Janis angry at first. Had Regina really used her as just a floatation device, pushing her head underwater to keep herself afloat when they were both struggling in the same ocean? But as much as she tries, she can’t keep a grasp on that fleeting rage. A drowning man will almost always drag you under in their desperation; Regina was no different. She supposes three years has been enough time for them both to reach the surface again.

(And besides, it isn’t as if she hasn’t done her fair share of nasty things to Regina in a misguided attempt at revenge. She shudders at the thought of all those Kälteen bars.)

“You know,” Regina looks up, “I never really felt like enough around most people. My dad wasn’t great, you knew that, and most of those middle school friendships felt so conditional. But you always managed to make me feel like I was your favorite. Like a Versace dress instead of some stupid ugly cardigan,” she says, tugging at the edges of her own cardigan.

Janis finds herself laughing at the comparison, which makes Regina pout. But she also feels that soft part of her begin to grow again, Regina’s words acting like sunlight. She puts a hand on hers, and Regina’s eyes flit to it.

“God, Janis, the black nail polish really is overkill,” she scoffs.

Janis laughs again. “So…what’s your plan now? Post-bus Regina George. Nice girl Regina George. What does that look like exactly?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything, really. But I do know I miss you.”

The look on Regina’s face is almost expectant. Janis feels herself blush and tightens her hand around Regina’s, like an instinct. “Yeah, I, uh…I miss you too.”

Before she knows what’s happening, Regina is leaning in. Janis’s mind is static, incessant white noise and she feels like she might throw up and she doesn’t know how they got here and was Regina’s mouth always that pretty and oh god oh god oh—

She jumps back when the thumping music from the house gets noticeably louder. Both girls turn to see that the door to the back porch has opened and Cady, Damian, Gretchen, and Karen have all filed out. Jason must have told people that Janis and Regina were alone out in the garden. Cady and Gretchen look concerned, ready to head out there and separate the catfight they’re sure will break out. But Damian and Karen just watch with knowing smiles.

Janis feels a hand slip around the back of her neck and turns her eyes back to Regina.

“Are you gonna kiss me in front of all our stupid friends, or what?” Regina asks, eyebrow raised.

Janis smirks, and presses her lips to Regina’s.

Like the garden around them, the flowers on her heart start to bloom.

**Author's Note:**

> if you vibed with this at all, leave a kudos and a comment and find me @ taylizlou.tumblr.com :)


End file.
